[Found via BoingBoing via Making Light]

A list of 736 “essentialist explanations” of the form “Language X is essentially language Y under conditions Z”. Some examples:

• English is essentially Norse as spoken by a gang of French thugs.
• German is essentially a language developed by a group of Teutons who gathered in the forest one day to come up with a language that their enemies would have no chance of grasping.
• It is essential, that You the german Syntax and Punctuation right get must.
• Brazilian is essentially Latin without consonants.

etc., etc. Something to while away a rainy day with, while you have lots of more important things to do.